Ok, I did it

I sucked it up and I asked for help.  So Tom's mom will be stopping by a couple times a week to help me with the babies and the house work.  Not my ideal situation, but I can't do it all alone and Tom is already getting stressed out after only 3 days.  I'm officially off the salesfloor at work, so that is awesome.  I can finally sit down!

I've managed to hand express 2 ounces of colostrum every day for 3 days in a row so I have 6 ounces frozen for her whenever she gets here.  I guess my body is producing special colostrum to give her everything she needs, so I don't want to waste it.  And the better stash I get built up, the better for her once shes born.  I'd like to avoid formula if we can.  First hospital NST and u/s went well today.  My fluid levels are really good, shes crazy active in there, and shes still head up - all good signs that she is doing well in there and isn't stressed.  We made it through our first week of pre-term scare, 3 more weeks to go and she will be a 32 weeker!  Means no level III NICU (hopefully) and a shorter stay in the hospital.

My ribs are killing me from her moving and my skin already feels bruised from the inside.  It wasn't like this until William was closer to 36 - 38 weeks - its just crazy.  She feels like a big baby, close to 3 pounds I'd assume right now.  The bigger the better at this point.  I heard for every 1 day I stay pregnant, that is 2 less in the NICU so that is what I'm focused on right now.  Making it through every day for the next 3 weeks.  Halloween is my goal.  I want her born after Halloween.  My calendar is hanging up in the kitchen... its nice to walk by and see those big Xs crossing off each day we've made it so far.

I picked up a couple books on preemies today from the library, so I'm going to get reading those.  I want to be as prepared as humanely possible.  I also have one I ordered this weekend that should be here in the next week or so.  So I'm going to try and learn everything I can so that I'm as prepared as possible. Overall, I'm feeling really good.  Emotionally, I'm in a good place.  I know this is happening for a reason.  Physically, I hurt - but its a small sacrifice to ensure my baby girl is healthy.  I'm not worried about any of this - maybe thats a bad thing?  I think I deal with emotional issues too logically and rationally...  Or maybe I'm just shutting it all out so that my stress says at nill.  Who knows but who cares, right?  The goal is a healthy baby whos given every opportunity to thrive while shes in there and after she comes out and that is all I'm worried about.

Its so crazy....  I feel like I haven't had 7 months to prepare for a new baby and now all of the sudden she could be here tomorrow.  Its unreal!  But, I'm keeping my head up - I'm staying strong for my family and I'm doing everything I can for my baby girl.  There is NO way a man could ever do this... ever!  Who knew 2 lines could be so complicated, eh?